My Bling Bling

I hope David doesn't read this post. A few days ago, I took the train to Malcha Mall in Jerusalem and couldn't help but buy this gorgeous light blue sapphire ring. What do you think?

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Don't worry, I've got it all figured out. When hubby gets the bill, I'm going to act dumb, as if I have no idea where that mysterious 4,000 shekel charge came from. And then, when we get into a huge fight about it, I'm going to pull out the, "What, I'm not worth it?!!" card.

Seriously, don't tell him what I wrote. That goes for you especially, Judah Cohen. I know where you live.

Although my photography skills are still quite lacking due to shaky hands and a cheap phone camera, I think this picture is pretty nice. Do any of you remember that old Jlo song, "Jenny from the Block"? I came up with my own version.

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got... I just totally lied to you and this ring costs only $11.  

Now that's a Grammy-winning song right there. 

For some reason, I'm not ashamed to admit that I love fake jewelry, especially because it's cheap! In my mind, why should I spend a ton of money just to have something that I can say is real, if I can get something fake that's just as beautiful and 1/100th the cost? 

Men, you're probably like, "So what do I care about your ugly ring?" Well, I'll tell you what. My ring actually carries very deep and esoteric messages, like: "money ain't buy you no happiness," and "mo' money, mo' problems," and "you can still buy nice jewelry for your wife that doesn't have to cost your life's savings." 

Most of the things that we chase in life look like they'll give us real happiness. Money, fancy homes, fancy cars, fancy jewelry - it's all nice, but it's a glittering mirage. It's funny, in a way. The tangible things that we want seem real, but they're not. And the intangible things that we place less importance on are what's real.

Love, joy, peace of mind, fulfilling relationships, a strong and personal  connection with The Creator - these things are what's really important in life. Botttom line? It's great to want nice things in life, just don't make it your life's mission to have nice things. Get outta my way, Confucius. 

And if you still think this ring is real, go and get yourself a free eye exam at Walmart, pronto.

Have a wonderful day!

~Racheli

 


"Little Babi Yar" - the Mass Graves of Yanov, Ukraine

Rav Lazer Brody just came back from the Ukraine today, on Holocaust Day, where he visited the mass graves of the Jews of Yanov in the Ukraine, where his father's family comes from. In the following clip, taken yesterday afternoon, he tearfully tells how the Nazis pulled Jews off the train in Yanov, made them dig their own graves, then shot them. Then then forced the local Jews to bury them, then dig another pit, and shot them too. We cannot forget and we'll never forget:


My Cheap Husband

Wives, do you ever look in your wallets and see this?

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Did you figure out what's missing? That's right! Some cash. Okay, I admit - hubby ain't cheap with' me no mo. My kids took my money. Regarding David, I trained him quite well, but it didn't happen overnight. It took a lot of.... convincing. Whatever that means. Arm punching, screaming, payot pulling, you know, all the stuff that great marriages are made of.

But seriously, someone wrote me complaining that her husband never wants to buy her anything. To which I responded, "Off with his head!" OMG, what's wrong with me today? 

Well, dear husbands, if you happen to be on the stingier side, know that you're not doing anyone any favors. Instead of saving money, you're creating shalom bayit problems, which actually sabotages all of your efforts to make money. A happy wife opens the pipes of abundance and blessings for the entire family, you know. But, hey, don't hate me! I'm not the one who came up with this stuff! 

If you want to stop all of that unnecessary arguing about money, you've got to read My Cheap Husband. By that, I don't mean that I'm asking you psychics out there to read my hubby's face and tell me what it's thinking. I'm psychic too, see? 

Speaking of not-cheap husbands, Rav Shalom Arush explains that we can receive the Torah any time we'd like! Like, huh? I know, I can't figure it out, either. Wait! My psychic powers are telling me that it has something to do with resisting all of the negative influences and temptations, and by doing so we are able to tap into a higher reality. Yes! I really am a genius. Maybe I should invent something. Any ideas? In the meantime, why don't you work on Receiving Your Torah? Then tell me what the article really said. 

Loyalty is a very important part of a happy marriage. It's also a very important part of being one of the king's closest servants. But if you think I'm going to want to prove my loyalty to the king at the risk of dying, sorry, buddy, I'm really not into being that loyal. However, Rav Brody shows us that there are some (insane) people who would give anything to be close to the king. Their test is brutal, and the ones that survive make it to the top. However, what if someone tries to outsmart the king? Will the king see through his "loyalty"? What will he do about it? And what does this parable have anything to do with us? Ah, but the message is brilliant, my dears! Read all about The Final Test and let me know if you remembered the answer! 

Of course, it happened yet again! I really did get chills at the end of Rebbetzin Yehudit Channen's article! I've got to ask her how she does that. And you've got to read her take on what it's like to live among Israelis. She's totally spot-on and very descriptive! I can personally confirm that everything she wrote is 100% true. So if you want the lowdown on life in Israel, don't miss reading Rough, Tough, and Tender!

So just last night I really wanted to scream at my kids because they kept getting out of bed with all sorts of pathetic excuses, like it's too dark outside, or I can't find my Lego guy. I didn't scream at them. Okay, technically I didn't scream at them as much as I wanted to, so that counts for something, right? Anyhow, I was like, "Wow, Was That Me?" Dr. Zev Ballen must be psychic, because somehow he managed to make that phrase the title of his latest article! Dr. Zev, I didn't know you were so talented! But what's even better is that he tells us that we can all have those same moments, where we overcome our negative tendencies. So what are you waiting for?!

Lori Steiner explains that much of our thinking is a result of the backwards messages we've internalized from an ethically backwards society. Okay, she didn't exactly say it in those words, but because I'm psychic, I know that's what she really wanted to say. In any case, she helps us to clarify what thoughts we should have, and gives us a few great ways to Debunk the Myths that we should keep in our minds and wallets at all times. I have no idea why I just wrote that. The subconscious mind is a strange thing.

Chaya Golda Ovadia is quite the farmer as she talks about her somewhat failed attempt at Growing Sprouts in her backyard. Actually, she tried growing like six fruit trees and some cucumbers or something like that, which is simply impossible in a tiny Israeli backyard. Israel isn't exactly America, land of the supersized backyard, french fries, and belly. But don't be fooled. We have plenty of supersized bellies walking around here, and they ain't nothing to be proud of. In conclusion, Chaya shares some amazing insights that she got from playing farmer, and you'll just have to read them to see what they are!

I have decided that Dovber HaLevi should go into motivational speaking. He has such a great perspective on living as an American in Israel, and he is pointing out not only the challenges, but the solutions as well! If you already live in Israel, or you're thinking about making aliyah, you've gotta read Let Go!  

On that note, have a wonderful week as the weather gets warmer by the second. What happened to my winter?? Okay, so it's not all bad. After all, I can make the kids go outside now! 

~Racheli


I'm Baaaack!

Happy new week, dear readers! It's Racheli, and I'm soooooooo thrilled to be back! Seriously, I missed you guys. Really. Did you miss me? Even just a little? No? Well, just pretend like you did, okay? I'm very fragile, you know. 

Speaking of fragile, for that one person that did miss me, (Tena, would that be you?) I'll give you a little quiz so you can figure out on your own where I've been hiding.

Racheli hasn't been on LazerBeams for over two weeks because:

a) she's been lounging on the beach in Eilat

2) she's been treating herself to daily massages and mani/pedi's

%) she's been unable to leave the kitchen for the entire week of Pesach

8) her kids have been home for nearly three weeks, and she almost lost her mind

72) all of the above

Hmmmm. I know. It's a tough choice. Think. Exercise what's left of those precious brain cells. While you're scratching your heads trying to figure it out, I'm scratching my head trying to find something inspirational to say. Since my brain cells are currently recovering from my kids' ridiculously extended vacation, I'll share with you these gorgeous pics that I took right behind my house. Gosh, Israel is so, so beautiful! Maybe one day I'll actually get to see what's beyond my backyard!

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Wishing you a wonderful and inspiring week!

 

 

 

 


Keep on Dreaming, Keep on Trucking

When I was a little boy in inner-city Washington, DC, we lived in a small apartment on top of my father's grocery store on Independence Avenu SE, twelve blocks from the Capital. We had a really nice African-American mailman who used to deliver the mail to us every day. I don't remember his name, but he had a smile like Louie Armstrong. I loved to greet him and talk to him. He would pinch my then-chubby cheeks and say, "Child, I ain't gonna be totin' mail all my life. Someday, I'm gonna be rich. Maybe I'll buy the White House. Meantime, I keep on dreamin' and I keep on truckin'!"

I'll never forget those words of wisdom. You keep on dreaming and in the meanwhile, you keep on plugging away. Every major accomplishment began with taking the first step to fulfill a dream.

Dreams Come True